Story of Lovers’ Meeting,
Parting, Waiting, Pining, and Feigning[1] - Part 1
Clandestine Love
Introduction
The third part of the Kural deals with
pre-marital and post-marital love between a young man and his beloved. The
style and the substance of this part are vastly different from the other two
parts of the Kural. In the first part, which deals with virtue, we see Valluvar
as an exceptional ethicist. In the second part, which deals with wealth, he
excels as an incomparable multidisciplinary genius. In the third part, which
deals with love, he shines as a poet extraordinaire and expresses the emotions
of lovers in eloquent and highly imaginative poetry. The subject matter of the
third part is written in a manner consistent with the poetic traditions and
grammatical rules mentioned in Tholkaappiyam, the ancient Tamil grammar.
In order to understand and appreciate the third part of the Kural, it is
necessary for the reader to have a basic knowledge of the Tamil culture,
grammar, and poetics as described in Tholkaappiyam.
Background Information from Tholkaappiyam
Tholkaappiyam contains
three sections. The first section deals with the orthography and phonology of the
Tamil language. The second section deals with the morphology and syntax of
Tamil words. The third section is about the subject matter or substance of
poetry. It should be noted that in the early stages of the development of Tamil
literature, there was
no prose, and people wrote only poetry. Tholkaappiyam provides grammar
in great detail for the composition of poetry. The subject matter of poetry is
divided into two parts, puram, and akam. The word ‘puram’ means outside. It deals with such things as war, fame,
goals of life, expression of grief over the death of warriors by his friends
and family, charity, seeking gifts from kings and chieftains, poets providing
advice to kings, and other similar subject matters which are suitable
candidates for public discussion. The word ‘akam’ means inside. Akam deals with the affairs of the heart
or the love between the sexes and their behavior towards each other. Akam deals
with subject matters which are not suitable for public discussion. The third
part of the Kural falls under the category of akam and follows the rules enunciated in the third
section of Tholkaappiyam.
According to Tholkaappiyam,
the poems belonging to the akam genre describe the significant events in
lovers’ life in a dramatic fashion rather than merely narrating them as mundane
events. First, in the akam genre poems, the poets do not mention the names of the lovers. They
are simply referred to as the hero and the heroine. The poems are structured in
the form of dramatic monologues by the hero, the heroine, the heroine’s
girlfriend, the heroine’s girlfriend’s mother (nanny), the hero’s friend, etc.
Although Valluvar follows these guidelines, in some kurals, we see him making
his own comments.
According to Tholkaappiyam,
the subject matter of akam poems should include one of the following
five themes: 1) meeting of the lovers, 2) temporary separation (parting) of the
lovers, 3) the woman waiting patiently for her lover’s (husband’s) return, 4)
the woman pining for her lover’s (husband’s) return and undergoing extreme
mental stress and becomes physically debilitated 5) when the husband returns,
the wife feigns anger for the sake of getting his attention.
Meeting and related events: The hero is one who is known for his upbringing,
courage, and knowledge. The heroine is also known for her upbringing, somewhat
fearful, shy, modest, and reserved. In other words, the hero and the heroine
are considered to be ideal characters with all the desirable qualities. Their
initial meeting takes place purely by accident. They exchange glances towards
each other and realize that they love each other. Subsequently, the heroine’s
girlfriend arranges an appropriate place and time for their meetings. They meet
often, and their clandestine love affair continues. The people in their village
come to know about the young couple’s love and begin to gossip about them. The
hero decides to go away in search of funds so that he could marry his beloved
and start a family life. In the absence of the hero, the heroine is upset and
unable to bear the separation, and she becomes physically weak. When the hero returns,
he wants to marry his beloved. At this stage, young lovers have three choices.
They can get married with the approval of the heroine’s parents. If the
heroine’s parents do not approve the lovers’ marriage, the hero may threaten
that he would reveal his love for his beloved in public. This would force the
heroine’s parents to consent for their marriage. If the parents still do not
consent, the lovers may choose to elope and get married in the hero’s village.
If elopement is not feasible, they would commit suicide by jumping from the top
of a cliff.
It should be
pointed out that during Valluvar’s days and before him, all marriages were not necessarily
preceded by clandestine love affairs or by courtship. Arranged marriages were
also in practice. The poets
tend to glorify the pre-marital love affair because it adds more drama and
makes it more interesting to the reader.
Parting and
related events: Parting refers to the separation of the hero and the
heroine. This may occur before their marriage when the hero goes in search of
funds for his marriage. The separation may also occur after their marriage. The
man may go away in search of employment or additional funds. He may also go
away to take part in a war. The separation may also be because the hero has to
carry out a task assigned to him by his king. In all cases of separation, it is
the man who goes away, and the woman stays home and anxiously awaits her
lover’s (husband’s) return.
Waiting and
related events: when the lover (husband) is away, his beloved (his wife)
stays home. The Tamil society was predominantly agricultural society, and most
people were engaged in agriculture. Generally, the men who go away would return
when the rainy season begins. It is during the rainy season when they begin to
plow their fields and sow the seeds for cultivation. The heroine would notice
the flora that blossoms during the onset of the rainy season and lament that
her hero has not returned yet. The heroine’s girlfriend would try to console
her and offer her words of encouragement and tell her that her lover (husband)
would return soon.
Pining and
related events: At this stage, the gossip about the lovers grows intense. The woman who has been
waiting patiently all this time is beginning to lose hope about her lover’s
return. She is unable to sleep. Her body becomes pale and very weak due to the separation.
Feigning and related events: In
the context of Tamil poetry belonging to the akam genre, feigning
implies the fake anger by a wife towards her husband for neglecting her. When
the hero was away, the heroine was waiting patiently and underwent mental
anguish, sleepless nights and loss of physical strength, etc. When he comes
back, she wants to get even with him. Although she is happy that he has
returned home, she pretends to be angry and does not show her love and
affection towards him. This fake anger may lead to minor quarrels between
husband and wife. During the brief period of fake anger and quarrel, the
husband tries to appease his wife by apologizing for any and all real or
imaginary transgressions by him. The wife forgives him and accepts him. It was
believed that feigning makes their subsequent union more enjoyable. It should
be noted that feigning is an act of a married woman, and the heroine would not
resort to feigning during clandestine love and courtship. In many Tamil poems,
the underlying reason for the wife’s feigning could be the infidelity of the
husband. However, in Valluvar’s scheme of things, there is no room for
immorality or infidelity. In the Kural, the wife feigns simply to show her
displeasure towards her husband for leaving her alone and going away.
Another
aspect of the poetic tradition before and during Valluvar’s days was that all
the poems were standalone poems. They were independent of each other. The poets
did not write multiple poems to narrate a story like in the latter-day epics. Valluvar has written 250 kurals
about the meeting, parting,
waiting, pining, and feigning in the life of hypothetical lovers. They are all
independent couplets. I have attempted to connect selected kurals and
communicate Valluvar’s ideas about the various facets of the life of hypothetical lovers
as a story. Using my imagination, I have taken the liberty to integrate the
unconnected kurals for the sake of constructing the story.
A clandestine Love story from the Kural
Meeting of the Lovers: This is the story of two
lovers. Since their names are not known, we will refer to them as the “hero”
and the “heroine.” The hero was on a hunting trip. He sees something moving at
a distance. At first, he is not sure what it could be. Upon careful
observation, it appears to him like a celestial being. He observes its movement,
and its gait looks like that of a beautiful peacock. He continues to look, and
it appears like a very attractive young girl wearing very pretty ornaments in
her ears. He is confused. He wonders, “What did I just see? Is it a goddess who
smites men with love? Is it a beautiful peacock? Or is it a girl wearing
gorgeous gold earrings (kural – 1081)?” He finally figures out that it was
indeed a very beautiful young girl. He is dazzled by her beauty and instantly
falls in love with her. He is not sure whether she would reciprocate his love
towards her. He has never been in love before, and when she finally looks at
him, he becomes very nervous. He thinks, “When she returned my look, I felt
like I was assaulted by the army of the goddess who smites men with love?
(kural – 1082). This is very strange. I had never known how death would be.
Now, I know that death would be like the glance from a beautiful girl (kural –
1083).” Eventually, he overcomes his anxiety and feels rest assured that she will
reciprocate his love. The heroine goes home with her girlfriend. The hero
reminisces what happened that day and decides that love is inexplicably
strange. In his own mind, he compares liquor and love and concludes, “Liquor
can bring joy only if it is consumed. Whereas the very sight of the beloved can
bring joy to those, who are in love (kural – 1090).”
Reading each other’s mind
through their eyes: Next day, the hero goes to the same place where he saw the heroine the
previous day, expecting to see her again. There she was with her girlfriend.
When the hero arrives, she looks at him. But, when he gazes at her, she gazes
down at the ground, and when he gazes away, she gazes at him and gently smiles
(kural – 1094). Also, when she looks at him, she does not look directly at him.
She looks through the corner of her eyes with a gentle smile (kural – 1095).
All this is a very strange experience for him. He is somewhat confused at this
initial stage of romance. He feels like the heroine has two distinct looks.
Sometimes, her look torments him and causes pain and anguish. At other times,
her look is like a soothing medicine for his suffering (kural – 1091). Although
the couple have not spoken a single word to each other, after a few exchanges
of glances, they are convinced that they are in love with each other. The
heroine’s girlfriend, who has been silently witnessing all these romantic eye
contacts, wonders, “Of what use are the spoken words when they have come to an
understanding with their eyes (kural – 1100)!”
Reminiscing the joy of
intimacy: Subsequently,
the heroine’s friend decides on an appropriate venue where the lovers can meet
without being seen by others. With the help of the heroine’s girlfriend, the
lovers meet a few times. One day, when he is alone, the hero reminisces the joy
he experiences in the intimacy of the heroine. He is convinced that he
“experiences joy for all his five senses - sight, sound, taste, smell, and
touch – when he is with the heroine (kural – 1101).” When he is not with her,
he experiences a sense of despair and feels like he is sick. Then it occurs to
him that, generally, a disease is different from medicine. But, in his case,
the sickness he experiences in her absence is cured only by her presence. This
is a peculiar phenomenon! She is the cure for the disease caused by her (kural
- 1102). His mind incessantly thinks of the joy he experiences when he is with
her. He wonders, “Is heaven sweeter than sleeping on the soft shoulders of the
woman you love (kural – 1103).?” According to him, the shoulders of his beloved
are made of ambrosia because they rejuvenate him whenever he is in contact with
them (kural -1106). Another fascinating thought occurs to him. When he is away
from her, her absence is like a fire that burns him, and when he is close to
her, he feels refreshingly cool. So, he is curious as to where did she get this
strange fire that burns him when it is away and cools him when it is near
(kural – 1104)? He is reminded of their embrace and says, “A close embrace of a
loving couple is indeed sweet when even the air cannot penetrate between them
(kural – 1108).” As he keeps thinking of all the joy he gets by being with her,
he feels that she offers him an endless list of pleasures. He says,” Every time
one learns something, one becomes aware of one’s past ignorance. So also, every
time I enjoy an intimate relationship with her, I realize new pleasures which I
did not enjoy before (kural – 1110).”
In praise of her beauty: Our hero, the young man,
is undoubtedly infatuated with his beloved, and he is thrilled in having an
intimate relationship with her. One day, he met her, and after their meeting,
they went to their respective homes. As he is walking home, he admires various
aspects of her beauty. He comes across an anicham plant known for its
extremely delicate flowers. They are so delicate that they fade as soon as
someone smells them. He tells the anicham flower, “Oh! You anicham flower!
Do you know that my beloved is more delicate than you? (kural -1111)”. He sees
a kuvalai flower which is often compared to women’s eyes. He tells the kuvalai
flower, “Oh! you kuvalai flower! If you can see my beloved’s eyes,
you will realize that they are more beautiful than you and you are no
comparison to them (kural – 1114).” He is reminded of his beloved’s tender
physique. He remembers that when he saw her last, she was wearing a soft anicham
flower in her hair without removing its stem. He is afraid that her slender
waist cannot bear the weight of the stem of the anicham flower and that
her waist might break (kural – 1115)! While going home, he decides to lie down
and take rest. When he is lying down, he looks up and sees the stars and the
full moon in the sky. He looks at the twinkling stars and says, “You are
quivering because you are confused as to which is my beloved’s face and which
is the moon (kural – 1116).” Then he
looks at the moon and says, “Oh, Moon! I can love you as much as I love my
beloved, if you do not have those blemishes[2] in
your face and if you always shine (without waning) as bright as my beloved’s
face (kural – 1118)[3].”
In praise of love: After indulging in rather
elaborate reminiscences about his passion for intimacy with his beloved and her
beauty, he begins to think about his profound love for her. He says that the
fluid that is secreted around the white teeth (saliva) of his lady of gentle
speech is like the delicious mixture of milk and honey (kural – 1121). He
confesses that the bond between his beloved and himself is like the bond
between the body and the soul (kural – 1122). He further adds that being with
her is like living, and being away from her is like dying (kural – 1124). He
asks the pupil of his eye to vacate its place so that his fair-browed beloved
can occupy its place (kural – 1123). The heroine is equally passionate about
her love for her lover. While the hero wants to keep his beloved in the place
of the pupil of his eyes, the heroine says that her lover already resides in
her eyes, and therefore, she will not paint her eyes, fearing that he would
disappear (kural - 1127). She adds that her lover dwells in her heart. So, she
avoids eating hot food for fear of harming him (kural - 1128).
Waiting and pining: The clandestine love
affair of the hero and heroine has become public knowledge in their village.
People in the village have begun to gossip about the young lovers. The lovers
decide to get married. According to the prevailing traditions, it was the man’s
responsibility to bear the expenses in connection with his wedding. So, the
hero temporarily goes away in search of funds for his wedding. The people in
the village begin to spread rumors that he has deserted his beloved.
One day, the heroine’s
girlfriend visits her. The girlfriend finds out that the heroine has been
spending sleepless nights since her lover has gone away. She begins to
criticize the hero for his delay in returning with the necessary funds for the
wedding. She also mentions to the heroine about the gossip in the village. The
heroine says,” My lover resides in my eyes. I am afraid that if I close my
eyes, he might go away. So, I keep my eyes wide open, and that is the reason
why I have not been sleeping. But, the people in this village say that he has
deserted me (kural – 1129).“ But, the girlfriend seems skeptical and
unconvinced about the heroine’s statement that her lover resides in her eyes.
The heroine insists that her lover resides not only in her eyes, he also
resides happily in her heart, and the ignorant people speak ill of him without
knowing the truth (kural – 1130).
The hero returns to the
heroine’s village. But he is unable to meet his beloved. He asks his beloved’s
girlfriend what has happened to the heroine. He asks the girlfriend to help him
to facilitate a meeting with the heroine. The girlfriend mentions that during
his absence, unable to bear the pain of separation, the heroine became ill. She
also mentions that the heroine’s parents suspected that she might be in love
with somebody, and they confined her to their home.
Unable to bear the
separation from his beloved, the hero ponders about following the tradition of
riding a palmyra horse[4] to
publicize his love for his beloved and hopes that it will force her parents to
approve of their union. But he also knows that it is not a very dignified thing
to ride the palmyra horse. If he rides the palmyra horse, he may end up being
the laughingstock of the village. Torn between the pros and cons of riding the
palmyra horse, the hero says to the girlfriend, “To the forlorn lover, who has
tasted love but is now in the pangs of separation, there is nothing more
effective than riding the palmyra horse (kural 1131).” He adds, “Because of my
deep love for my beloved, I am unable to sleep. I keep thinking of riding the
palmyra horse even at midnight (kural – 1136). It is better to ride the palmyra
horse shamelessly rather than my body and soul suffer the anguish and pain of
separation (kural – 1132).”
The girlfriend comes to
visit the heroine. She briefs her about the vicious gossips that are
circulating in the village about the heroine and her lover. The heroine
expresses her helpless situation by saying, “My passionate love for him is so
strong that it reveals itself in public. It neither has any consideration for my
inability to control myself nor does it have any sympathy for me (kural
-1038).” She adds, “Fools laugh at me to my very face because they have not
suffered the pangs of love as I have suffered (kural-1040).”
The girlfriend decides
that it is better to reveal the clandestine love affair of the hero and the
heroine to the heroine’s parents so that they can get married. The girlfriend
confides to her mother about the heroine’s love for the hero. The girlfriend’s
mother informs the heroine’s mother about her daughter’s love for the hero.
Initially, the heroine’s parents do not approve of their daughter’s love and
refuse to give her in marriage to the hero. This comes as a shock to the young
lovers.
The impact of Gossip: As days go by, the gossip
about the young lovers grows intense. Instead of being annoyed and being upset
about the gossip, they consider it as a blessing in disguise. According to the
prevailing tradition of the days of Valluvar and prior to that, if the lovers
do not succeed in consummating their love with marriage, they were supposed to
jump off a cliff and commit suicide. In fact, the hero feels lucky that the
gossip may save their life and help them to get married. He is happy that those
who are indulging in gossip do not know the beneficial impact of their gossip
(kural – 1141). The heroine has the same attitude about gossip. She says, “The
kind of gossip this village generates is really most welcome to us. In fact, it
encourages us to consummate our love. (kural – 1150).” They both are now confident that the gossip
will help them get united in marriage. They feel that in view of the gossip,
the heroine’s parents may approve of their love and arrange for their marriage.
In case they do not approve, the heroine thinks that her lover may ask her to
elope with him and get married. Either way, thanks to all the gossip in the
village, they will be able to achieve their goal of being together as husband
and wife.
Consummation of the clandestine love
Valluvar does not really
say what happened to the young lovers and leaves the reader in suspense, and
expects them to guess the conclusion of their romantic adventure. But, based on
the literary and cultural traditions, we are forced to conclude that one way or
the other, the lovers get married and continue their life together. The chapter
on clandestine love is over, and the next chapter of their life continues as a married
couple.
[1] Feigning means pretending. In this case, it refers to
the wife pretending to be mad at her husband. However, this is not applicable
during the period of clandestine love. After marriage, when the husband comes
home after a long period of absence, the wife pretends to be angry at him. That
is referred to as feigning.
[2] . The blemishes refer to the craters on the surface of
the moon.
[3] In kurals 1111, 1114, 1115, 1116, 1118 we see
extensive use of hyperboles by Valluvar.
Hyperbole is the
intentional exaggeration for the purpose of creating emphasis. But, it is not
intended to be taken literally. Hyperbole is a common feature of poetry
throughout the ages. Examples of Hyperboles can be found in the
day-to-day conversations as well as poems of Homer to Shakespeare.
[4]
When a young man is in love with a girl and when her parents disapprove their
love, the young man resorts to what is known as “riding the palmyra horse”. The
lover may also resort to riding the palmyra horse if for some reason he is
unable to meet his beloved. The palmyra horse is a structure made by tying
together single -leaf branches of the palmyra palms with serrated edges. The
young lover would sit on the palmyra horse and his young friends would drag him
on the village streets. The lover wears a board on his neck and the board would
have his beloved’s name on it. All those who witness this act will come to know
that he is in love with this girl. This is one way to force the girl’s parents
to approve of his love and give consent for marrying their daughter. When the
lover rides the palmyra horse, the serrated edge would hurt him, and he would
bleed. Although riding a palmyra horse was a form of martyrdom for the young
lover, it was considered as a shameful act.
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