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Monday, November 13, 2017

Story of Lovers’ Meeting, Parting, Waiting, Pining and Feigning - Part 1



Story of Lovers’ Meeting, Parting, Waiting, Pining, and Feigning[1] - Part 1

Clandestine Love

Introduction

The third part of the Kural deals with pre-marital and post-marital love between a young man and his beloved. The style and the substance of this part are vastly different from the other two parts of the Kural. In the first part, which deals with virtue, we see Valluvar as an exceptional ethicist. In the second part, which deals with wealth, he excels as an incomparable multidisciplinary genius. In the third part, which deals with love, he shines as a poet extraordinaire and expresses the emotions of lovers in eloquent and highly imaginative poetry. The subject matter of the third part is written in a manner consistent with the poetic traditions and grammatical rules mentioned in Tholkaappiyam, the ancient Tamil grammar. In order to understand and appreciate the third part of the Kural, it is necessary for the reader to have a basic knowledge of the Tamil culture, grammar, and poetics as described in Tholkaappiyam.

Background Information from Tholkaappiyam

Tholkaappiyam contains three sections. The first section deals with the orthography and phonology of the Tamil language. The second section deals with the morphology and syntax of Tamil words. The third section is about the subject matter or substance of poetry. It should be noted that in the early stages of the development of Tamil literature, there was no prose, and people wrote only poetry. Tholkaappiyam provides grammar in great detail for the composition of poetry. The subject matter of poetry is divided into two parts, puram, and akam. The word ‘puram’ means outside. It deals with such things as war, fame, goals of life, expression of grief over the death of warriors by his friends and family, charity, seeking gifts from kings and chieftains, poets providing advice to kings, and other similar subject matters which are suitable candidates for public discussion. The word ‘akam’ means inside. Akam deals with the affairs of the heart or the love between the sexes and their behavior towards each other. Akam deals with subject matters which are not suitable for public discussion. The third part of the Kural falls under the category of akam and follows the rules enunciated in the third section of Tholkaappiyam.

According to Tholkaappiyam, the poems belonging to the akam genre describe the significant events in lovers’ life in a dramatic fashion rather than merely narrating them as mundane events. First, in the akam genre poems, the poets do not mention the names of the lovers. They are simply referred to as the hero and the heroine. The poems are structured in the form of dramatic monologues by the hero, the heroine, the heroine’s girlfriend, the heroine’s girlfriend’s mother (nanny), the hero’s friend, etc. Although Valluvar follows these guidelines, in some kurals, we see him making his own comments.

According to Tholkaappiyam, the subject matter of akam poems should include one of the following five themes: 1) meeting of the lovers, 2) temporary separation (parting) of the lovers, 3) the woman waiting patiently for her lover’s (husband’s) return, 4) the woman pining for her lover’s (husband’s) return and undergoing extreme mental stress and becomes physically debilitated 5) when the husband returns, the wife feigns anger for the sake of getting his attention.

Meeting and related events: The hero is one who is known for his upbringing, courage, and knowledge. The heroine is also known for her upbringing, somewhat fearful, shy, modest, and reserved. In other words, the hero and the heroine are considered to be ideal characters with all the desirable qualities. Their initial meeting takes place purely by accident. They exchange glances towards each other and realize that they love each other. Subsequently, the heroine’s girlfriend arranges an appropriate place and time for their meetings. They meet often, and their clandestine love affair continues. The people in their village come to know about the young couple’s love and begin to gossip about them. The hero decides to go away in search of funds so that he could marry his beloved and start a family life. In the absence of the hero, the heroine is upset and unable to bear the separation, and she becomes physically weak. When the hero returns, he wants to marry his beloved. At this stage, young lovers have three choices. They can get married with the approval of the heroine’s parents. If the heroine’s parents do not approve the lovers’ marriage, the hero may threaten that he would reveal his love for his beloved in public. This would force the heroine’s parents to consent for their marriage. If the parents still do not consent, the lovers may choose to elope and get married in the hero’s village. If elopement is not feasible, they would commit suicide by jumping from the top of a cliff.

It should be pointed out that during Valluvar’s days and before him, all marriages were not necessarily preceded by clandestine love affairs or by courtship. Arranged marriages were also in practice. The poets tend to glorify the pre-marital love affair because it adds more drama and makes it more interesting to the reader.

Parting and related events: Parting refers to the separation of the hero and the heroine. This may occur before their marriage when the hero goes in search of funds for his marriage. The separation may also occur after their marriage. The man may go away in search of employment or additional funds. He may also go away to take part in a war. The separation may also be because the hero has to carry out a task assigned to him by his king. In all cases of separation, it is the man who goes away, and the woman stays home and anxiously awaits her lover’s (husband’s) return.

Waiting and related events: when the lover (husband) is away, his beloved (his wife) stays home. The Tamil society was predominantly agricultural society, and most people were engaged in agriculture. Generally, the men who go away would return when the rainy season begins. It is during the rainy season when they begin to plow their fields and sow the seeds for cultivation. The heroine would notice the flora that blossoms during the onset of the rainy season and lament that her hero has not returned yet. The heroine’s girlfriend would try to console her and offer her words of encouragement and tell her that her lover (husband) would return soon.

Pining and related events: At this stage, the gossip about the lovers grows intense. The woman who has been waiting patiently all this time is beginning to lose hope about her lover’s return. She is unable to sleep. Her body becomes pale and very weak due to the separation.

Feigning and related events:  In the context of Tamil poetry belonging to the akam genre, feigning implies the fake anger by a wife towards her husband for neglecting her. When the hero was away, the heroine was waiting patiently and underwent mental anguish, sleepless nights and loss of physical strength, etc. When he comes back, she wants to get even with him. Although she is happy that he has returned home, she pretends to be angry and does not show her love and affection towards him. This fake anger may lead to minor quarrels between husband and wife. During the brief period of fake anger and quarrel, the husband tries to appease his wife by apologizing for any and all real or imaginary transgressions by him. The wife forgives him and accepts him. It was believed that feigning makes their subsequent union more enjoyable. It should be noted that feigning is an act of a married woman, and the heroine would not resort to feigning during clandestine love and courtship. In many Tamil poems, the underlying reason for the wife’s feigning could be the infidelity of the husband. However, in Valluvar’s scheme of things, there is no room for immorality or infidelity. In the Kural, the wife feigns simply to show her displeasure towards her husband for leaving her alone and going away.

Another aspect of the poetic tradition before and during Valluvar’s days was that all the poems were standalone poems. They were independent of each other. The poets did not write multiple poems to narrate a story like in the latter-day epics. Valluvar has written 250 kurals about the meeting, parting, waiting, pining, and feigning in the life of hypothetical lovers. They are all independent couplets. I have attempted to connect selected kurals and communicate Valluvar’s ideas about the various facets of the life of hypothetical lovers as a story. Using my imagination, I have taken the liberty to integrate the unconnected kurals for the sake of constructing the story.

A clandestine Love story from the Kural

Meeting of the Lovers: This is the story of two lovers. Since their names are not known, we will refer to them as the “hero” and the “heroine.” The hero was on a hunting trip. He sees something moving at a distance. At first, he is not sure what it could be. Upon careful observation, it appears to him like a celestial being. He observes its movement, and its gait looks like that of a beautiful peacock. He continues to look, and it appears like a very attractive young girl wearing very pretty ornaments in her ears. He is confused. He wonders, “What did I just see? Is it a goddess who smites men with love? Is it a beautiful peacock? Or is it a girl wearing gorgeous gold earrings (kural – 1081)?” He finally figures out that it was indeed a very beautiful young girl. He is dazzled by her beauty and instantly falls in love with her. He is not sure whether she would reciprocate his love towards her. He has never been in love before, and when she finally looks at him, he becomes very nervous. He thinks, “When she returned my look, I felt like I was assaulted by the army of the goddess who smites men with love? (kural – 1082). This is very strange. I had never known how death would be. Now, I know that death would be like the glance from a beautiful girl (kural – 1083).” Eventually, he overcomes his anxiety and feels rest assured that she will reciprocate his love. The heroine goes home with her girlfriend. The hero reminisces what happened that day and decides that love is inexplicably strange. In his own mind, he compares liquor and love and concludes, “Liquor can bring joy only if it is consumed. Whereas the very sight of the beloved can bring joy to those, who are in love (kural – 1090).”

 

Reading each other’s mind through their eyes: Next day, the hero goes to the same place where he saw the heroine the previous day, expecting to see her again. There she was with her girlfriend. When the hero arrives, she looks at him. But, when he gazes at her, she gazes down at the ground, and when he gazes away, she gazes at him and gently smiles (kural – 1094). Also, when she looks at him, she does not look directly at him. She looks through the corner of her eyes with a gentle smile (kural – 1095). All this is a very strange experience for him. He is somewhat confused at this initial stage of romance. He feels like the heroine has two distinct looks. Sometimes, her look torments him and causes pain and anguish. At other times, her look is like a soothing medicine for his suffering (kural – 1091). Although the couple have not spoken a single word to each other, after a few exchanges of glances, they are convinced that they are in love with each other. The heroine’s girlfriend, who has been silently witnessing all these romantic eye contacts, wonders, “Of what use are the spoken words when they have come to an understanding with their eyes (kural – 1100)!”

 

Reminiscing the joy of intimacy: Subsequently, the heroine’s friend decides on an appropriate venue where the lovers can meet without being seen by others. With the help of the heroine’s girlfriend, the lovers meet a few times. One day, when he is alone, the hero reminisces the joy he experiences in the intimacy of the heroine. He is convinced that he “experiences joy for all his five senses - sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch – when he is with the heroine (kural – 1101).” When he is not with her, he experiences a sense of despair and feels like he is sick. Then it occurs to him that, generally, a disease is different from medicine. But, in his case, the sickness he experiences in her absence is cured only by her presence. This is a peculiar phenomenon! She is the cure for the disease caused by her (kural - 1102). His mind incessantly thinks of the joy he experiences when he is with her. He wonders, “Is heaven sweeter than sleeping on the soft shoulders of the woman you love (kural – 1103).?” According to him, the shoulders of his beloved are made of ambrosia because they rejuvenate him whenever he is in contact with them (kural -1106). Another fascinating thought occurs to him. When he is away from her, her absence is like a fire that burns him, and when he is close to her, he feels refreshingly cool. So, he is curious as to where did she get this strange fire that burns him when it is away and cools him when it is near (kural – 1104)? He is reminded of their embrace and says, “A close embrace of a loving couple is indeed sweet when even the air cannot penetrate between them (kural – 1108).” As he keeps thinking of all the joy he gets by being with her, he feels that she offers him an endless list of pleasures. He says,” Every time one learns something, one becomes aware of one’s past ignorance. So also, every time I enjoy an intimate relationship with her, I realize new pleasures which I did not enjoy before (kural – 1110).”

 

In praise of her beauty: Our hero, the young man, is undoubtedly infatuated with his beloved, and he is thrilled in having an intimate relationship with her. One day, he met her, and after their meeting, they went to their respective homes. As he is walking home, he admires various aspects of her beauty. He comes across an anicham plant known for its extremely delicate flowers. They are so delicate that they fade as soon as someone smells them. He tells the anicham flower, “Oh! You anicham flower! Do you know that my beloved is more delicate than you? (kural -1111)”. He sees a kuvalai flower which is often compared to women’s eyes. He tells the kuvalai flower, “Oh! you kuvalai flower! If you can see my beloved’s eyes, you will realize that they are more beautiful than you and you are no comparison to them (kural – 1114).” He is reminded of his beloved’s tender physique. He remembers that when he saw her last, she was wearing a soft anicham flower in her hair without removing its stem. He is afraid that her slender waist cannot bear the weight of the stem of the anicham flower and that her waist might break (kural – 1115)! While going home, he decides to lie down and take rest. When he is lying down, he looks up and sees the stars and the full moon in the sky. He looks at the twinkling stars and says, “You are quivering because you are confused as to which is my beloved’s face and which is the moon (kural – 1116).”  Then he looks at the moon and says, “Oh, Moon! I can love you as much as I love my beloved, if you do not have those blemishes[2] in your face and if you always shine (without waning) as bright as my beloved’s face (kural – 1118)[3].”

 

In praise of love: After indulging in rather elaborate reminiscences about his passion for intimacy with his beloved and her beauty, he begins to think about his profound love for her. He says that the fluid that is secreted around the white teeth (saliva) of his lady of gentle speech is like the delicious mixture of milk and honey (kural – 1121). He confesses that the bond between his beloved and himself is like the bond between the body and the soul (kural – 1122). He further adds that being with her is like living, and being away from her is like dying (kural – 1124). He asks the pupil of his eye to vacate its place so that his fair-browed beloved can occupy its place (kural – 1123). The heroine is equally passionate about her love for her lover. While the hero wants to keep his beloved in the place of the pupil of his eyes, the heroine says that her lover already resides in her eyes, and therefore, she will not paint her eyes, fearing that he would disappear (kural - 1127). She adds that her lover dwells in her heart. So, she avoids eating hot food for fear of harming him (kural - 1128).

 

Waiting and pining: The clandestine love affair of the hero and heroine has become public knowledge in their village. People in the village have begun to gossip about the young lovers. The lovers decide to get married. According to the prevailing traditions, it was the man’s responsibility to bear the expenses in connection with his wedding. So, the hero temporarily goes away in search of funds for his wedding. The people in the village begin to spread rumors that he has deserted his beloved. 

 

One day, the heroine’s girlfriend visits her. The girlfriend finds out that the heroine has been spending sleepless nights since her lover has gone away. She begins to criticize the hero for his delay in returning with the necessary funds for the wedding. She also mentions to the heroine about the gossip in the village. The heroine says,” My lover resides in my eyes. I am afraid that if I close my eyes, he might go away. So, I keep my eyes wide open, and that is the reason why I have not been sleeping. But, the people in this village say that he has deserted me (kural – 1129).“ But, the girlfriend seems skeptical and unconvinced about the heroine’s statement that her lover resides in her eyes. The heroine insists that her lover resides not only in her eyes, he also resides happily in her heart, and the ignorant people speak ill of him without knowing the truth (kural – 1130).

 

The hero returns to the heroine’s village. But he is unable to meet his beloved. He asks his beloved’s girlfriend what has happened to the heroine. He asks the girlfriend to help him to facilitate a meeting with the heroine. The girlfriend mentions that during his absence, unable to bear the pain of separation, the heroine became ill. She also mentions that the heroine’s parents suspected that she might be in love with somebody, and they confined her to their home. 

Unable to bear the separation from his beloved, the hero ponders about following the tradition of riding a palmyra horse[4] to publicize his love for his beloved and hopes that it will force her parents to approve of their union. But he also knows that it is not a very dignified thing to ride the palmyra horse. If he rides the palmyra horse, he may end up being the laughingstock of the village. Torn between the pros and cons of riding the palmyra horse, the hero says to the girlfriend, “To the forlorn lover, who has tasted love but is now in the pangs of separation, there is nothing more effective than riding the palmyra horse (kural 1131).” He adds, “Because of my deep love for my beloved, I am unable to sleep. I keep thinking of riding the palmyra horse even at midnight (kural – 1136). It is better to ride the palmyra horse shamelessly rather than my body and soul suffer the anguish and pain of separation (kural – 1132).”

 

The girlfriend comes to visit the heroine. She briefs her about the vicious gossips that are circulating in the village about the heroine and her lover. The heroine expresses her helpless situation by saying, “My passionate love for him is so strong that it reveals itself in public. It neither has any consideration for my inability to control myself nor does it have any sympathy for me (kural -1038).” She adds, “Fools laugh at me to my very face because they have not suffered the pangs of love as I have suffered (kural-1040).”

 

The girlfriend decides that it is better to reveal the clandestine love affair of the hero and the heroine to the heroine’s parents so that they can get married. The girlfriend confides to her mother about the heroine’s love for the hero. The girlfriend’s mother informs the heroine’s mother about her daughter’s love for the hero. Initially, the heroine’s parents do not approve of their daughter’s love and refuse to give her in marriage to the hero. This comes as a shock to the young lovers.

 

The impact of Gossip: As days go by, the gossip about the young lovers grows intense. Instead of being annoyed and being upset about the gossip, they consider it as a blessing in disguise. According to the prevailing tradition of the days of Valluvar and prior to that, if the lovers do not succeed in consummating their love with marriage, they were supposed to jump off a cliff and commit suicide. In fact, the hero feels lucky that the gossip may save their life and help them to get married. He is happy that those who are indulging in gossip do not know the beneficial impact of their gossip (kural – 1141). The heroine has the same attitude about gossip. She says, “The kind of gossip this village generates is really most welcome to us. In fact, it encourages us to consummate our love. (kural – 1150).”  They both are now confident that the gossip will help them get united in marriage. They feel that in view of the gossip, the heroine’s parents may approve of their love and arrange for their marriage. In case they do not approve, the heroine thinks that her lover may ask her to elope with him and get married. Either way, thanks to all the gossip in the village, they will be able to achieve their goal of being together as husband and wife.

 

Consummation of the clandestine love

Valluvar does not really say what happened to the young lovers and leaves the reader in suspense, and expects them to guess the conclusion of their romantic adventure. But, based on the literary and cultural traditions, we are forced to conclude that one way or the other, the lovers get married and continue their life together. The chapter on clandestine love is over, and the next chapter of their life continues as a married couple.

 



[1] Feigning means pretending. In this case, it refers to the wife pretending to be mad at her husband. However, this is not applicable during the period of clandestine love. After marriage, when the husband comes home after a long period of absence, the wife pretends to be angry at him. That is referred to as feigning.

[2] . The blemishes refer to the craters on the surface of the moon.

[3] In kurals 1111, 1114, 1115, 1116, 1118 we see extensive use of hyperboles by Valluvar.  Hyperbole is the intentional exaggeration for the purpose of creating emphasis. But, it is not intended to be taken literally. Hyperbole is a common feature of poetry throughout the ages.  Examples of Hyperboles can be found in the day-to-day conversations as well as poems of Homer to Shakespeare.

 

[4] When a young man is in love with a girl and when her parents disapprove their love, the young man resorts to what is known as “riding the palmyra horse”. The lover may also resort to riding the palmyra horse if for some reason he is unable to meet his beloved. The palmyra horse is a structure made by tying together single -leaf branches of the palmyra palms with serrated edges. The young lover would sit on the palmyra horse and his young friends would drag him on the village streets. The lover wears a board on his neck and the board would have his beloved’s name on it. All those who witness this act will come to know that he is in love with this girl. This is one way to force the girl’s parents to approve of his love and give consent for marrying their daughter. When the lover rides the palmyra horse, the serrated edge would hurt him, and he would bleed. Although riding a palmyra horse was a form of martyrdom for the young lover, it was considered as a shameful act.

 

தகையணங்குறுத்தல்
அணங்குகொல் ஆய்மயில் கொல்லோ கனங்குழை
மாதர்கொல் மாலும்என் நெஞ்சு.                                             (குறள்1081)
நோக்கினாள் நோக்கெதிர் நோக்குதல் தாக்கணங்கு
தானைக்கொண் டன்னது உடைத்து.                                      (குறள்1082)
பண்டறியேன் கூற்றென் பதனை இனியறிந்தேன்
பெண்தகையால் பேரமர்க் கட்டு.                                            (குறள்1083)
உண்டார்கண் அல்லது அடுநறாக் காமம்போல்
கண்டார் மகிழ்செய்தல் இன்று.                                              (குறள்1090)

குறிப்பறிதல்
இருநோக்கு இவளுண்கண் உள்ளது ஒருநோக்கு
நோய்நோக்கு ஒன்றந்நோய் மருந்து.                                       (குறள்1091)
யான்நோக்கும் காலை நிலன்நோக்கும் நோக்காக்கால்
தான்நோக்கி மெல்ல நகும்.                                                    (குறள்1094)
குறிக்கொண்டு நோக்காமை அல்லால் ஒருகண்
சிறக்கணித்தாள் போல நகும்.                                                 (குறள்1095)
கண்ணொடு கண்இணை நோக்கொக்கின் வாய்ச்சொற்கள்
என்ன பயனும் இல.                                                              (குறள்1100)

புணர்ச்சிமகிழ்தல்
கண்டுகேட்டு உண்டுயிர்த்து உற்றறியும் ஐம்புலனும்
ஒண்தொடி கண்ணே உள.                                                     (குறள்1101)
பிணிக்கு மருந்து பிறமன் அணிஇழை
தன்நோய்க்குத் தானே மருந்து.                                               (குறள்1102)
தாம்வீழ்வார் மென்றோள் துயிலின் இனிதுகொல்
தாமரைக் கண்ணான் உலகு.                                                  (குறள்1103)
நீங்கின் தெறூஉம் குறுகுங்கால் தண்ணென்னும்
தீயாண்டுப் பெற்றாள் இவள்.                                                (குறள் – 1104)
உறுதோறு உயிர்தளிர்ப்பத் தீண்டலால் பேதைக்கு
அமிழ்தின் இயன்றன தோள்.                                                 (குறள்1106)
வீழும் இருவர்க்கு இனிதே வளியிடை
போழப் படாஅ முயக்கு.                                                        (குறள்1108)

அறிதோறு அறியாமை கண்டற்றால் காமம்
செறிதோறும் சேயிழை மாட்டு.                                              (குறள்1110)

நலம்புனைந்துரைத்தல்
நன்னீரை வாழி அனிச்சமே நின்னினும்
மென்னீரள் யாம்வீழ் பவள்.                                                   (குறள்1111)
காணிற் குவளை கவிழ்ந்து நிலன்நோக்கும்
மாணிழை கண்ணொவ்வேம் என்று.                                       (குறள்1114)
அனிச்சப்பூக் கால்களையாள் பெய்தாள் நுகப்பிற்கு
நல்ல படாஅ பறை.                                                               (குறள்1115)
மதியும் மடந்தை முகனும் அறியா
பதியின் கலங்கிய மீன்.                                                          (குறள்1116)
மாதர் முகம்போல் ஒளிவிட வல்லையேல்
காதலை வாழி மதி.                                                               (குறள்1118)
         
காதற்சிறப்புரைத்தல்
பாலொடு தேன்கலந் தற்றே பணிமொழி
வாலெயிறு ஊறிய நீர்.                                                          (குறள்1121)
உடம்பொடு உயிரிடை என்னமற் றன்ன
மடந்தையொடு எம்மிடை நட்பு.                                             (குறள்1122)
கருமணியிற் பாவாய்நீ போதாயாம் வீழும்
திருநுதற்கு இல்லை இடம்.                                                    (குறள்1123)
வாழ்தல் உயிர்க்கன்னள் ஆயிழை சாதல்
அதற்கன்னள் நீங்கும் இடத்து.                                               (குறள்1124)
நெஞ்சத்தார் காத லவராக வெய்துண்டல்
அஞ்சுதும் வேபாக் கறிந்து.                                                    (குறள்1128)
இமைப்பின் கரப்பாக்கு அறிவல் அனைத்திற்கே
ஏதிலர் என்னும்இவ் வூர்.                                                       (குறள்1129)
உவந்துறைவர் உள்ளத்துள் என்றும் இகந்துறைவர்
ஏதிலர் என்னும்இவ் வூர்.                                                       (குறள்1130)

நாணுத்துறவுரைத்தல்
காமம் உழந்து வருந்தினார்க்கு ஏமம்
மடலல்லது இல்லை வலி.                                                      (குறள்1131)
நோனா உடம்பும் உயிரும் மடலேறும்
நாணினை நீக்கி நிறுத்து.                                                       (குறள்1132)
மடலூர்தல் யாமத்தும் உள்ளுவேன் மன்ற
படல்ஒல்லா பேதைக்கென் கண்.                                            (குறள்1136)
நிறையரியர் மன்அளியர் என்னாது காமம்
மறையிறந்து மன்று படும்.                                                     (குறள்1138)
யாம்கண்ணின் காண நகுப அறிவில்லார்
யாம்பட்ட தாம்படா வாறு.                                                     (குறள்1140)

அலரறிவுறுத்தல்
அலரெழ ஆருயிர் நிற்கும் அதனைப்
பலரறியார் பாக்கியத் தால்.                                                    (குறள்1141)
தாம்வேண்டின் நல்குவர் காதலர் யாம்வேண்டும்
கெளவை எடுக்கும்மிவ் வூர்.                                                   (குறள்1150)



[1] Feigning means pretending. In this case, it refers to the wife pretending to be mad at her husband. However, this is not applicable during the period of clandestine love. After marriage, when the husband comes home after a long period of absence, the wife pretends to be angry at him. That is referred to as feigning.
[2] . The blemishes refer to the craters on the surface of the moon.
[3] In kurals 1111, 1114, 1115, 1116, 1118 we see extensive use of hyperboles by Valluvar.  Hyperbole is the intentional exaggeration for the purpose of creating emphasis. But, it is not intended to be taken literally. Hyperbole is a common feature of poetry throughout the ages.  Examples of Hyperboles can be found in the day-to-day conversations as well as poems of Homer to Shakespeare.

[4] When a young man is in love with a girl and when her parents disapprove their love, the young man resorts to what is known as “riding the palmyra horse”. The lover may also resort to riding the palmyra horse if for some reason he is unable to meet his beloved. The palmyra horse is a structure made by tying together single -leaf branches of the palmyra palms with serrated edges. The young lover would sit on the palmyra horse and his young friends would drag him on the village streets. The lover wears a board on his neck and the board would have his beloved’s name on it. All those who witness this act will come to know that he is in love with this girl. This is one way to force the girl’s parents to approve his love and give consent for marrying their daughter. When the lover rides the palmyra horse, the serrated edge would hurt him, and he would bleed. Although riding a palmyra horse is a form of martyrdom for the young lover, it is also considered as a shameful act.

Story of Lovers’ Meeting, Parting, Waiting, Pining and Feigning – Part 2

 


Story of Lovers’ Meeting, Parting, Waiting, Pining, and Feigning – Part 2

Marital Love

Parting

The young couple is happily married and enjoying their married life. One day war breaks out between their country and a neighboring country. The hero decides to join the war and fight on behalf of his king. He realizes that in order for him to fight in the war, he must travel, and his wife has to be home alone. After marriage, he has not gone away from his village, leaving his wife alone at home. He is not sure how his wife would react to the news of his going away to fight in a war. He is very hesitant to break the news to her. He has been preparing for his impending travel. He thought he was making the preparations without the knowledge of his wife. But, the wife is very observant and suspects that he is planning to be away from home on travel and that too a rather lengthy one. The thought of being separated from her husband is very troublesome to her.

 

At this stage, the wife’s girlfriend visits her. The girlfriend quickly finds out that something is bothering the wife. She asks her the reason for her depressed mood. The wife says, “I have found out that my husband is planning on travel, and I will have to be alone. Until I found out about his travel, his very look was so sweet and pleasing to me. Now, even his embrace saddens me because of his forthcoming travel (kural – 1152). He is the one who told me that he will always be with me, and he knows how difficult it is for me to be away from him. Now, he is planning to go away on travel, leaving me alone. I am not sure whether I can depend on his kind words and assurances anymore (kural – 1153).” The girlfriend understands the mental agony of the wife and consoles her by saying that she will go and talk to her husband and, if possible, ask him not to go. The girlfriend meets with the husband and conveys his wife’s concern about his travel. The husband says that there is going to be a war and that his king needs his support. So, he says that his travel is unavoidable, and he hopes to be back soon. The girlfriend tells the wife what the husband told her. The wife regrets by saying, “If he is so heartless to announce his departure, I think there is no hope that he will return to renew his love for me (kural – 1156)”. After a few days, the husband comes to his wife with the idea of telling her directly about his departure. The wife guesses what he is about to say. Before he could say anything, she says, “If you are not going, tell me about it. If it is about your quick return, tell that to those who will be alive when you come back (kural -1151)”. In no uncertain terms, the wife tells him that she will die if he leaves.

Shocked by his wife’s abrupt refusal to accept his travel, the husband temporarily postpones his plans for travel. He tries in vain to console her and convince her that his participation in the war is essential for his king’s victory. Although she does not agree with him, she reluctantly gives her consent for his travel. After a few days, the husband leaves on his travel. The wife is feeling sad and lonely. Her girlfriend visits her and offers her some words of consolation. The friend says, “There are many who live through the pangs of separation and attendant grief and survive till the return of their beloved (kural – 1160). You should also shore up your courage and cheer up. He will come back soon.” But the wife continues to be depressed.

Waiting and pining

The wife is unable to bear the separation from her husband. Though she tries to control her emotions, she is unable to control the tears from her eyes. She tells her friend, “It is impossible for me to hide my passionate love for my husband. My eyes are like a spring where the water gushes more and more when it is drained (kural – 1161). I am swimming in the stormy sea of passionate love without being able to see the shore. I am awake and all alone in the dead of night without anybody to console me (kural – 1167). When every living being is sleeping in the night, the night has no companion other than me (kural – 1168). If my eyes could travel like my heart[1] and be with my husband, they need not swim in the flood of tears as they do now (kural – 1170).”  Her ruminations continue, and her eyes continue to shed tears.

 

The friend tells the heroine not to cry. The heroine says it was not she who was crying; it was her eyes. She says that her eyes are very anxious to see her husband, and that is why they are crying. She begins to blame her eyes, as though they have a separate existence and are capable of acting on their own volition. She wonders, “These eyes of mine are the ones that showed me my lover, and because of that, I began to love him. Now I am suffering from this unquenchable desire to be with him. These eyes that are responsible for my present misery are now crying. Why are they crying now (kural – 1171)?” She continues to blame her eyes. She feels that her eyes should have known better. They are responsible for involving her in a love affair with her husband, and that has resulted in her present misery.

The heroine’s girlfriend, who was patiently listening to all these ramblings of the heroine, chides her by saying, “Why are you complaining about your eyes? They did not do anything. You are the one who fell in love with your husband. He will come back soon. All you have to do is to be positive and stop crying and get some sleep.”  The heroine says, “You don’t know about these eyes of mine. It is sweet that my eyes that are responsible for my pain should themselves now grieve in sorrow (kural – 1176). These eyes went on looking at my husband so lovingly. Let them suffer and dry up their tears (kural – 1177)”. The girlfriend says, “I understand all that. But that is an old story. As I told you before, there are many women who are able to bear the pangs of temporary separation from their husbands. How come you are not able to bear the pain of separation?” The wife replies, “We are not like other couples. We are very close to each other. I love him very much. One day, I was hugging my husband and sleeping. I just turned to the other side for a moment. That is it. Instantaneously, overwhelming pallor[2] enveloped me completely (kural - 1187). The other day, as soon as my husband departed for his travel, pallor was all over my body (kural – 1185). Now, do you understand how close we are? How can I tolerate this pain?” The girlfriend replied, “I really can’t help you except saying that you consented to his travel and he will be back soon. In the meantime, find a way to bear the pain of separation and keep yourself healthy.” The girlfriend leaves for her home. The heroine laments by thinking, “Having consented to his travel, to whom can I now complain about my pallor or grief (kural – 1181)?”

The heroine is feeling very lonely, helpless, and pining for her husband. At times, she wonders whether her husband really loves her anymore. She says to herself, “Only those who are loved by their beloved are blessed with the seedless fruit of love (kural – 1191). The lover’s kindness to his beloved is like the timely rain to those who depend on it (kural – 1192). Oh, my heart! Your effort to share your grief with people who have no sympathy for you is useless. It is like trying to dry up the sea (kural – 1200)!” She thinks, “My beloved resides in my heart. But I wonder whether I have a place in his heart (kural – 1204).” She is about to sneeze. But she actually does not go through with it. It was believed in those days that people sneeze if someone close to them thinks of them. Since she did not finish sneezing, she thinks that her husband started to think of her, and then he forgot (kural – 1203). Her mind wanders back and forth. She recalls the happy days of their married life. That makes her feel good. But then, the separation really bothers her.

After a few days, the girlfriend visits the heroine to check how she is doing. The heroine says, ”I had a dream last night. The dream brought me a message from my husband. What kind of a treat can I give this wonderful dream that brought me a message from him (kural – 1211)? Though my husband does not show up and make me happy during waking hours, he does come into my dream. That is the reason my life lingers on (kural – 1213). In my dreams, he embraces my shoulders; but when I wake up, he rushes back to my heart (kural – 1218).” The girlfriend is somewhat relieved that the heroine sees her husband, at least in her dreams, and feels good about it.

The heroine has been waiting anxiously for her husband’s arrival, which is taking longer than she expected. She finds that the pain of separation is more during the evenings. She tells her girlfriend, “The pain of separation from my husband is like a bud in the morning and blossoms into a full-blown passion in the evening (kural – 1227). So long as my beloved stayed with me, I did not know that the evenings could bring so much pain (kural – 1226).”

Finally, the heroine reaches a stage where she finds it increasingly difficult to bear the pain of separation. When her husband was with her, he used to say that her eyes are more beautiful than the flowers. Now, she feels that her eyes have lost their beauty, and they are ashamed to look at the flowers (kural – 1231). She also feels that her eyes have become pale and tearful, and they reveal the unkind behavior of her husband (kural – 1232). Her shoulders swelled with joy when she rejoiced with her husband. Now, they proclaim their separation to the whole world (kural – 1233). She has become weak. Her shoulders have thinned, and her bracelets have become loose. All these physical changes make her more miserable. She feels that her heart is very close to her husband. So, she is asking her heart, “Why don’t you think about my situation and come up with a solution for my ongoing suffering (kural – 1241)?” She tells her heart, “When you go to see my husband next time, please take my eyes with you. They want to see him so badly that they are eating me alive with their desire to see him (kural – 1244)?”

The heroine is getting frustrated at the separation and really wants her husband to come home. She has been making a mark on the wall corresponding to each day of her husband’s absence. She claims that her fingers are worn out by touching and counting the marks she has made on the wall (kural – 1261). She imagines what she would do as and when her husband comes home. She wonders, “When my darling husband comes home, do I sulk? Do I embrace him? Or shall I do both (kural – 1267)”

The hero is also anxious to go home. He wishes that his king would soon be victorious in the war so that he can go home and have a feast with his wife (kural – 1268). He feels that for those who are counting the days until the return of their beloved, a single day will drag on like seven days (kural – 1269). He fears that his wife may be brokenhearted and face death because of his prolonged absence. He is afraid that, in that case, his reunion may be too late and meaningless (kural – 1270).

Finally, the hero is back home. He is excited to be home with his wife. Likewise, his wife is also thrilled that he is back. He looks at her and observes that although she is outwardly happy, something bothers her. He tells her, “In spite of your attempt to hide something from me, your eyes are trying to tell me something (kural - 1271).” She remains silent. He looks at the wife’s girlfriend and says, “Like the thread that is visible through the crystal beads in a necklace, I am able to sense that there is something in my wife’s mind (kural – 1273). I see her smile. But there is something that lurks in her budding smile like the fragrance in the flower bud (kural – 1274).”  The girlfriend knows the heroine very well and guesses what goes on in the heroine’s mind and conveys that to the husband. The girlfriend says, “Did you notice what she did? She looked at her shoulders, that has become very thin. She looked at her bracelets, that are now loose. The same bracelets were fitting before your separation from her. Then she glanced at her feet. She is afraid that you may leave her and go away again. She is trying to tell you that if you plan to go away, she would like to go with you. She does not want to go through the painful experience of separation again (kural – 1279).”  The husband understands his wife’s genuine concern and assures her that he has no intention of leaving her alone and going away.

Feigning

A few days later, one day the girlfriend and the heroine are alone. The heroine had told her friend earlier that when her husband returned, she was going to be mad at him. But, when her husband came home, the heroine was not really mad at her husband. She was very happy and enjoyed her intimacy with her husband. The girlfriend wants to tease the heroine. So, the friend asks, “What about all those things you told me about getting mad at your husband upon his return? You seem to be having fun with him now!”. The heroine replies, “What can I do? When a woman’s passion for love has grown big and immense, there is no place for even a little sulking (kural – 1282). To tell you the truth, I wanted to get mad or at least sulk a little. But, my heart forgot all about it and yearned only for union with him (kural – 1284). When I am near him, I cannot see his faults. When he is not near, I see nothing but his faults (kural – 1286). My eyes do not see the brush that paints them when I am painting. Just like that, when he is near me, I do not see his faults (kural – 1285). What is the use of sulking at him? I know that I cannot sustain it (kural – 1287)”. After the girlfriend leaves, the heroine is alone and talks to herself and wonders about her inability to control her passion and to sulk at her husband. She blames her heart for her inability to sulk and tells her heart, “Oh, my heart! His heart abides by his desires. How come you don’t cooperate with me (kural – 1291)? I am not going to consult with you my more (kural – 1294).”

 

After thinking about her failure to sulk at her husband, she decides to try again. One evening, she is with her friend. The friend suggests, “When your husband comes, avoid embracing him and pretend to be mad at him. Let us see the fun and see how he gets annoyed over it (Kural – 1301). Remember that a little sulking with your husband is like salt in food. It is good if it is in the right measure. Prolonging it is like excess salt in food (kural – 1302).” As expected, the husband arrives at the scene. As it was the custom in those days, he wore flowers in his hair. They were the flowers from far off land. He thought his wife would be impressed by those flowers, and she would embrace him. The wife does not embrace him. She pretends to be mad at him. In order to please her, he says to her, “I love you more than anyone else.” She retorts, “More than whom? More than whom (kural – 1314)?”  When he tells her, “I will not part from you in this life,” her eyes are filled with tears (kural – 1315). She deliberately interpreted his statement that he might part from her in the next life and continued sulking. When he stretched out his hand to embrace her and said, “I was just thinking about you,” she refused to embrace him and retorted, “That means you forgot me. Why did you forget me (kural – 1316)?”

During this interlude of fake anger by his wife, the husband happened to sneeze. As it was the custom, the wife blessed him and started crying by saying, “Who is thinking of you now (kural – 1317)?”  After a while, he was about to sneeze again. Since his wife got upset with him the last time when he sneezed, he tries to control his sneeze. That did not help. She noticed that he was trying to control his sneeze, and she started to cry again by saying, “Somebody is thinking about you, and that is why you are sneezing. You don’t want me to know about that. That is why you are trying to control your sneeze (kural – 1318).” The husband wants to comfort her. But she gets angrier and says, “Is this how you comfort other women when they are angry at you (kural – 1319)?” Finally, he gives up his attempts to comfort her and just keeps looking at her silently and admiring her beauty. But the wife is still pretending to be mad at him and asks, “Why are you looking at me like this? Who are you comparing me against (kural – 1320)?”

Eventually, after profuse apologies from her husband, the wife is unable to pretend that she is angry. When he comes forward to embrace her, she embraces him with overwhelming joy. Their embrace led to their union, which was an exhilarating experience for the couple. The husband thinks, “Even though there is no fault on my part, the temporary denial of my beloved’s embrace has its own special charm when we consummate our love (kural – 1325). Sulking is a delight to the passion of love, and when the sulking ends in close embrace, it becomes the final crowning bliss of love (kural -1330).”

 



[1] It is a literary tradition to attribute the feeling of love to the heart rather than the mind.

[2] Pallor is a pale color of the skin that can be caused by illness, emotional shock or stress, stimulant use, or anemia, and is the result of a reduced amount of oxyhaemoglobin and is visible in skin or mucous membrane.

 


பிரிவாற்றாமை
செல்லாமை உண்டேல் எனக்குரை மற்றுநின்
வல்வரவு வாழ்வார்க் குரை.                                                    (குறள் -1151)
இன்கண் உடைத்தவர் பார்வல் பிரிவஞ்சும்
புன்கண் உடைத்தால் புணர்வு.                                               (குறள் – 1152)
அரிதரோ தேற்றம் அறிவுடையார் கண்ணும்
பிரிவோ ரிடத்துண்மை யான்.                                                (குறள் – 1153)
பிரிவுரைக்கும் வன்கண்ணர் ஆயின் அரிதவர்
நல்குவர் என்னும் நசை.                                                         (குறள் – 1156)
அரிதாற்றி அல்லல்நோய் நீக்கிப் பிரிவாற்றிப்
பின்இருந்து வாழ்வார் பலர்.                                                  (குறள் – 1160)

படர்மெலிந்திரங்கல்
மறைப்பேன்மன் யானிஃதோ நோயை இறைப்பவர்க்கு
ஊற்றுநீர் போல மிகும்.                                                         (குறள் – 1161)
காமக் கடும்புனல் நீந்திக் கரைகாணேன்
யாமத்தும் யானே உளேன்.                                                    (குறள் – 1167)
மன்னுயிர் எல்லாம் துயிற்றி அளித்திரா
என்னல்லது இல்லை துணை.                                                (குறள் – 1168)
உள்ளம்போன்று உள்வழிச் செல்கிற்பின் வெள்ளநீர்
நீந்தல மன்னோஎன் கண்.                                                     (குறள் – 1170)

கண்விதுப்பழிதல்
கண்தாம் கலுழ்வ தெவன்கொலோ தண்டாநோய்
தாம்காட்ட யாம்கண் டது.                                                     (குறள் – 1171)
ஓஒ இனிதே எமக்கிந்நோய் செய்தகண்
தாஅம் இதற்பட் டது.                                                            (குறள் – 1176)
உழந்துழந் துள்நீர் அறுக விழைந்திழைந்து
வேண்டி அவர்க்கண்ட கண்.                                                  (குறள் – 1177)

பசப்புறுபருவரல்
நயந்தவர்க்கு நல்காமை நேர்ந்தேன் பசந்தவென்
பண்பியார்க்கு உரைக்கோ பிற.                                             (குறள் – 1181)
உவக்காண்எம் காதலர் செல்வார் இவக்காண்என்
மேனி பசப்பூர் வது.                                                               (குறள் – 1185)
புல்லிக் கிடந்தேன் புடைபெயர்ந்தேன் அவ்வளவில்
அள்ளிக்கொள் வற்றே பசப்பு.                                                (குறள் – 1187)

தனிப்படர்மிகுதி
தாம்வீழ்வார் தம்வீழப் பெற்றவர் பெற்றாரே
காமத்துக் காழில் கனி.                                                           (குறள் – 1191)
வாழ்வார்க்கு வானம் பயந்தற்றால் வீழ்வார்க்கு
வீழ்வார் அளிக்கும் அளி.                                                       (குறள் – 1192)
உறாஅர்க்கு உறுநோய் உரைப்பாய் கடலைச்
செறாஅஅய் வாழிய நெஞ்சு.                                                  (குறள் – 1200)

நினைந்தவர்புலம்பல்
நினைப்பவர் போன்று நினையார்கொல் தும்மல்
சினைப்பது போன்று கெடும்.                                                 (குறள் – 1203)
யாமும் உளேங்கொல் அவர்நெஞ்சத்து எந்நெஞ்சத்து
ஓஒ உளரே அவர்.                                                                 (குறள் – 1204)

கனவுநிலையுரைத்தல்
காதலர் தூதொடு வந்த கனவினுக்கு
யாதுசெய் வேன்கொல் விருந்து.                                             (குறள் – 1211)
நனவினால் நல்கா தவரைக் கனவினால்
காண்டலின் உண்டென் உயிர்.                                              (குறள் – 1213)
துஞ்சுங்கால் தோள்மேலர் ஆகி விழிக்குங்கால்
நெஞ்சத்தர் ஆவர் விரைந்து.                                                  (குறள் – 1218)

பொழுதுகண்டிரங்கல்
மாலைநோய் செய்தல் மணந்தார் அகலாத
காலை அறிந்த திலேன்.                                                         (குறள் – 1226)
காலை அரும்பிப் பகலெல்லாம் போதாகி
மாலை மலரும்இந் நோய்.                                                      (குறள் – 1227)

உறுப்புநலனழிதல்
சிறுமை நமக்கொழியச் சேட்சென்றார் உள்ளி
நறுமலர் நாணின கண்.                                                         (குறள் – 1231)
நயந்தவர் நல்காமை சொல்லுவ போலும்
பசந்து பனிவாரும் கண்.                                                        (குறள் – 1232)
தணந்தமை சால அறிவிப்ப போலும்
மணந்தநாள் வீங்கிய தோள்.                                                  (குறள் – 1233)

நெஞ்சொடுகிளத்தல்
நினைத்தொன்று சொல்லாயோ நெஞ்சே எனைத்தொன்றும்
எவ்வநோய் தீர்க்கும் மருந்து.                                                 (குறள் – 1241)
கண்ணும் கொளச்சேறி நெஞ்சே இவையென்னைத்
தின்னும் அவர்க்காணல் உற்று.                                              (குறள் – 1244)

அவர்வயின்விதும்பல்
வாளற்றுப் புற்கென்ற கண்ணும் அவர்சென்ற
நாளொற்றித் தேய்ந்த விரல்.                                                  (குறள் – 1261)
புலப்பேன்கொல் புல்லுவேன் கொல்லோ கலப்பேன்கொல்
கண்அன்ன கேளிர் வரின்.                                                     (குறள் – 1267)
வினைகலந்து வென்றீக வேந்தன் மனைகலந்து
மாலை அயர்கம் விருந்து.                                                      (குறள் – 1268)
ஒருநாள் எழுநாள்போல் செல்லும்சேண் சென்றார்
வருநாள்வைத்து ஏங்கு பவர்க்கு.                                            (குறள் – 1269)
பெறின்என்னாம் பெற்றக்கால் என்னாம் உறினென்னாம்
உள்ளம் உடைந்துக்கக் கால்.                                                 (குறள் - 1270

குறிப்பறிவுறுத்தல்
கரப்பினுங் கையிகந் தொல்லாநின் உண்கண்
உரைக்கல் உறுவதொன் றுண்டு.                                           (குறள் – 1271)
மணியில் திகழ்தரு நூல்போல் மடந்தை
அணியில் திகழ்வதொன்று உண்டு.                                        (குறள் – 1273)
முகைமொக்குள் உள்ளது நாற்றம்போல் பேதை
நகைமொக்குள் உள்ளதொன் றுண்டு.                                     (குறள் – 1274)
தொடிநோக்கி மென்தோளும் நோக்கி அடிநோக்கி
அஃதாண் டவள்செய் தது.                                                     (குறள் – 1279)

புணர்ச்சிவிதும்பல்
தினைத்துணையும் ஊடாமை வேண்டும் பனைத்துணையும்
காமம் நிறைய வரின்.                                                            (குறள் – 1282)
பேணாது பெட்பவே செய்யினும் கொண்கனைக்
காணாது அமையல கண்.                                                      (குறள் – 1283)
எழுதுங்கால் கோல்காணாக் கண்ணேபோல் கொண்கன்
பழிகாணேன் கண்ட இடத்து.                                                 (குறள் – 1285)
காணுங்கால் காணேன் தவறாய காணாக்கால்
காணேன் தவறல் லவை.                                                       (குறள் – 1286)
உய்த்தல் அறிந்து புனல்பாய் பவரேபோல்
பொய்த்தல் அறிந்தென் புலந்து.                                             (குறள் – 1287)

நெஞ்சொடுபுலத்தல்
அவர்நெஞ்சு அவர்க்காதல் கண்டும் எவன்நெஞ்சே
நீஎமக்கு ஆகா தது.                                                               (குறள் – 1291)

புலவி
புல்லா திராஅப் புலத்தை அவர்உறும்
அல்லல்நோய் காண்கம் சிறிது.                                               (குறள் – 1301)
உப்பமைந் தற்றால் புலவி அதுசிறிது
மிக்கற்றால் நீள விடல்.                                                         (குறள் – 1302)
         
புலவி நுணுக்கம்
யாரினும் காதலம் என்றேனா ஊடினாள்
யாரினும் யாரினும் என்று.                                                     (குறள் – 1314)
இம்மைப் பிறப்பில் பிரியலம் என்றேனாக்
கண்நிறை நீர்கொண் டனள்.                                                  (குறள் – 1315)
உள்ளினேன் என்றேன்மற் றென்மறந்தீர் என்றென்னைப்
புல்லாள் புலத்தக் கனள்.                                                        (குறள் – 1316)
வழுத்தினாள் தும்மினேன் ஆக அழித்தழுதாள்
யாருள்ளித் தும்மினீர் என்று.                                                  (குறள் – 1317)
தும்முச் செறுப்ப அழுதாள் நுமர்உள்ளல்
எம்மை மறைத்திரோ என்று.                                                  (குறள் – 1318)
தன்னை உணர்த்தினும் காயும் பிறர்க்கும்நீர்
இந்நீரர் ஆகுதிர் என்று.                                                         (குறள் – 1319)
நினைத்திருந்து நோக்கினும் காயும் அனைத்துநீர்
யாருள்ளி நோக்கினீர் என்று.                                                 (குறள் – 1320)

ஊடலுவகை
தவறிலர் ஆயினும் தாம்வீழ்வார் மென்றோள்
அகறலின் ஆங்கொன் றுடைத்து.                                           (குறள் – 1325)
ஊடுதல் காமத்திற்கு இன்பம் அதற்கின்பம்
கூடி முயங்கப் பெறின்.                                                          (குறள் – 1330)